Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
