Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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