loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize