I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
