I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I wear drunk well.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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