I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
