he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
