look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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