Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
