You can't special order awesome
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
