you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
