No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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