if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
