That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
