We named our party play list daddy issues
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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