"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
