I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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