I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
its not stalking. its research.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
