they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
