I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
