Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
