there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
