He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
