I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
