Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
