Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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