For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
