Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize