Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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