Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
As shirtless as possible
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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