my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How does one acquire holy water?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
