Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
