Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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