On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I will be naked everywhere
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
