omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
