I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize