so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
