A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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