There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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