My friends, they love my intelligence
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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