is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
