I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
