I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize