My sheets look like a crime scene.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize