Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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