Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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