god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize