i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
