I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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