I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
