This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
then he tried to convert me to islam
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
