I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
