Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
