no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
