Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
