Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
