dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
