Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
