i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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