It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
