Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My vagina is very pro this idea
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize