dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
