That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
