You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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