We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
